What the Woman Wants
by mteagle128
Summary: Be careful what you wish for... A/I.


Disclaimer: Alucard, Integra and all other characters of _Hellsing_ are the property of Kouta Hirano and the various agents responsible for the production of the manga and anime. I do not profit from this piece nor is any copyright infringement intended.

Warning: Prurient humor ahead.

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><p>The heart of the great Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing sank deep into the pit of her stomach, immediately full of regret, as she stared at the monstrosity before her.<p>

_What have I gotten myself into?_

"Is something wrong, Integra?" The deep, mocking voice of her vampire servant cooed as he leaned towards her, crimson eyes shining brightly, clearly visible to her despite the dim light of her office.

"Is something wrong? Is something _wrong_?" Integra snapped, her voice growing louder and more frustrated as her anxiety for the situation grew. "Isn't it obvious what's wrong?"

Alucard's eyes flicked downwards, then, with a wide, proud grin, rose to meet the cold gaze of his master. "I don't see a problem."

"That . . . that . . . _thing_!" Integra exclaimed, gesturing at the long, cylindrical mass of meat. "It's enormous!"

"Is this not what you wanted?" he asked playfully. "Integra, my _master_, you were most insistent about your need for this. I recall you mentioning something about sending me back to the dark pit of hell from where I was spawned if I failed to comply—that _is_ what you said, isn't it?"

"Yes, but . . ." Her words trailed off as she continued to stare as the low light danced off the slightly moist sheen of its surface. "Alucard, really . . . this will never fit in my mouth."

The midian feigned great disappointment at her weak argument. "Are you having second thoughts? Is the resolve of the great Integra Hellsing wavering? Is the sight of this too much for you?"

"You dolt!" she screamed, angrily slamming a fist onto the desk beside her. "There is no question of my resolve in this matter! How dare you insinuate otherwise!"

_Bastard, I'll show you. I'll bite the damn thing in half._

He leered excitedly. "Don't make promises you can't keep, Integra."

"Stay out of my head, vampire."

"Then make your move, _master_."

Integra drew a deep breath, steeling her mind with the knowledge of what she needed to do. She would probably regret it later, but for the time being, she knew must remain strong, remain in control of the situation. Leaning forward, she carefully took it into her hands, amazed by its unusual warmth, and brought it to her face. She caught a quick glimpse of Alucard's eager face, fangs bared in a grin and eyes wide with anticipation, as she opened her mouth, taking in as much of its freakish length as she could . . . then bit down with great force.

A great noise filled the manor as Alucard cackled with delight. "Splendid, my Integra! Absolutely amazing! _This_ is the reason I serve you! Your indomitable spirit!"

After a long silence, Integra swallowed, then proceeded to dab a bit of mustard from her lips before taking a sip of tea to wash it down. "You are excited by the strangest things."

"And you have the strangest cravings," he said, gesturing nonchalantly towards her, leaning back in his chair as he watched his master eat her supper. "Was it really necessary for me to travel all the way to Germany to get bratwurst?"

"The Germans have the best bratwurst."

Alucard leaned forward and placed his elbows on the dark, lacquered desktop. Lacing long, lithe fingers together, he rested his chin on his hands, smirking as he spoke. "Does this make you crave anything else, Integra? Perhaps I am in possession of something similar in shape with which I can entice you?"

"Don't press your luck." He grinned at the sound of the faint click as Integra coolly reached down and unfastened the holster of the Sig Sauer P226 sitting on her hip. She would never shoot him, but the feigned threat was entertaining. "Besides," she said, sliding a manila folder towards him, "you have to work tonight."

Alucard opened the dossier. Gory photos of a group of students butchered in their shared flat; some killed in their own beds. Heretical banter scrawled across the wall, written in the blood of the dead. _More amateurs._

"Your orders are simple, Alucard—search and destroy."

He fought the urge to roll his eyes. "Is this really all you have for me? You could handle these clowns on your own in your sleep."

"True," she said, pushing the empty plate away, a smirk crossing her lips as she leaned against the tall back of her chair, "but I'd rather watch."

Her words immediately lightened his mood. Alucard stood, bowing deeply to the woman across from him, his eyes never leaving hers for an instant.

"Then I hope you enjoy the show."


End file.
